George Lucas/Disney


Say It Ain’t So, George

Article by Patrick Garland

I, like many others of my generation, am a huge “Star Wars” fan. I’ve loved everything about it since I was a kid. I collected the toys, bought the bubble gum cards, and, with my brother, pretended to be Han Solo and Luke Skywalker fighting off the countless imperial bad guys who popped up in our backyard. Come to think of it, I actually did all three of those things again just last week.

When I heard Disney had bought the rights to “Star Wars” and was making Episodes 7-9, I was actually very pleased. Lucas himself originally said it was a nine or twelve-part story. I figured why not make some more great movies that I can take my kids to see? The excitement has been building for me ever since the news came out. But now I have read on the internet that Yoda, Boba Fett, and Han Solo are all going to get stand alone spin-off movies. This set of an alarm in my head. Does this mean Disney is going to try to squeeze every last Republic credit out of the franchise? It wouldn’t be like them to do something like that would it?
So it begins, my fellow “Star Wars” Fans…A legion of spin-offs from a galaxy far, far away……………………….

Here is my list of the top ten “Star Wars” spin-offs I think would be box office gold and should begin pre-production immediately.

Jar Jar Binks and Joey TribbianiJar-Jar and Joey: Wackiness ensues when that loveable misfit Jar-Jar Binks teams up with that nutty misfit Joey Tribbiani of “Friends” fame to see if they can make a go of it in the big city lights of Coruscant.

The Blind Side: A powerful drama detailing a tragic series of events that leads to Luke getting a helmet stuck on his head with the blast shield down.

Cloud City with a Chance of Meatballs: Anything goes as Lando Calrissian has to deal with Tripper Harrison and his zany band of counselors in training when Camp North Star is relocated to the tibanna gas mining colony.

Emperor PalpatinePalpatine: Director Steven Spielberg’s amazing biographical portrait of the former leader of the Republic and Empire.

Weekend at Qui-Gon Jinn’s: Qui-Gon Jinn is dead… but no one is going to know about it if Obi-Wan and Darth Maul can help it.
Empire Records: Darth Vader might get more than he bargained for as he tries to juggle love and romance in the grungy 90s, manage a independent record store, and keep track of the rag tag bunch of would be Stormtroopers that work for him.

Benny & Plo KoonBenny and Plo Koon: A tug at your heartstrings romantic tale that asks a simple question. Can two eccentric individuals find each other and fall in love? Not if Grand Moff Tarkin has anything to say about it.

The Full Mos Eisley: Tarfful and Chewbacca are two young Wookiees that have their heads full of dreams but unfortunately also have empty wallets. This leads them into a wretched hive of scum and villainy in the night time strip club scene of Mos Eisley’s Creature Cantina.

The Princess Diaries: It’s not easy growing up royal on Alderaan. Just ask Princess Leia. All she wants is a little freedom from her over-protective dad Bail Organa. At least he claims to be her dad. Is there more than meets the eye going on this soon to be doomed planet?

The Curious Case of Ian McDiarmid: A fascinating documentary on this wonderful actor who has managed to maintain a successful stage and film career even though all the while he has been aging backwards. Think about it.

The Curious Case of Ian McDiarmid

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