Excited about upcoming movies? You will be. Or, you’ll be frustrated by how much trailers give away. Either way, they’re all here for your enjoyment.

As ever, we recommend our WEEKLY RADIO SHOW to tell you the real deal about every weekend’s releases. Plus, we’re funnier.

THE BLING RING (opening 6/14/13)

THE CONJURING (opening 7/19/13)

ELYSIUM (opening 8/9/13)

GROWN-UPS 2 (opening 7/12/13)

THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE (opening 11/22/13)

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING (opening 6/7/13)

NOW YOU SEE ME (opening 5/31/13)

ONLY GOD FORGIVES (opening 7/19/13)

R.I.P.D. (opening 7/19/13)

THOR: THE DARK WORLD (opening 11/8/13)

BEHOLD!

The Movie Guys bring you original videos about nothing but movies, movies, movies. View away, go nuts, and don’t hesitate to check out our YouTube page where you can subscribe to our channel, find embedding info and get more lowdown about the videos.

THE MOVIE GUYS’ SEPTEMBER MOVIE PREVIEW – “NO MORE SUPERHERO MOVIES”

Movie Guys Paul Preston, Lee Kias, David Beach and Jim Sloane give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in September. “No More Superhero Movies” covers the major releases of September 2nd & 9th, 2011, including SHARK NIGHT 3D, APOLLO 18, WARRIOR and CONTAGION.

THE MOVIE GUYS’ AUGUST MOVIE PREVIEW – “OUR IDIOT PREVIEWS”

Movie Guys Paul Preston, Lee Kias, Adam Witt and Karen Volpe give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in August. “Our Idiot Previews” covers the major releases of August 26th, 2011, including COLUMBIANA, DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK and OUR IDIOT BROTHER.

THE MOVIE GUYS’ AUGUST MOVIE PREVIEW – “SEQUELS AND REMAKES AND REBOOTS, OH MY!”

Movie Guys Paul Preston, Lee Kias, Adam Witt and David Beach give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in August. “Sequels and Remakes and Reboots, Oh My!” covers the major releases of August 19th, 2011, including CONAN THE BARBARIAN 3D, SPY KIDS: ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD and FRIGHT NIGHT.

THE MOVIE GUYS’ CONCERT MOVIE 3D

Movie Guys Paul Preston, Adam Witt, Lee Kias and David Beach give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in August. “The Movie Guys’ Concert Movie 3D” covers the major releases of August 12th, 2011, including 30 MINUTES OR LESS, FINAL DESTINATION 5 and GLEE: THE CONCERT MOVIE 3D

THE MOVIE GUYS’ AUGUST MOVIE PREVIEW – “THERE’S AN APE FOR THAT”

Movie Guys Paul Preston, Karen Volpe and David Beach give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in August. “There’s an Ape for That” covers the major releases of August 5th, 2011, including RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES, THE CHANGE-UP and THE HELP.

THE MOVIE GUYS’ JULY MOVIE PREVIEW – “TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON”

Movie Guys Paul Preston and Lee Kias give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in July. Covered: TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON, a spectacle so big, it deserved it’s own preview show.

THE MOVIE GUYS’ JUNE MOVIE PREVIEW – “LATE JUNE WRAP-UP”

Movie Guys Paul Preston, Lee Kias and Steven Lewis give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in June. “Late June Wrap-Up” covers the major late-June movie releases GREEN LANTERN, MR. POPPER’S PENGUINS, CARS 2 and BAD TEACHER.

THE MOVIE GUYS’ JUNE MOVIE PREVIEW – “MAGICAL MYSTERY FILM”

Movie Guys Paul Preston, Adam Witt and Steven Lewis give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in June. “Magical Mystery Film” covers the closely-guarded SUPER 8. Oh, and JUDY MOODY AND THE NOT BUMMER SUMMER comes out, too.

THE MOVIE GUYS: FIRST CLASS

Movie Guys Paul Preston and Adam Witt give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in June. “The Movie Guys: First Class” covers the latest mutant adventure X-MEN: FIRST CLASS.

THE MOVIE GUYS’ MAY MOVIE PREVIEW, PART II

Movie Guys Paul Preston and Lee Kias give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in May. “The Movie Guys’ May Movie Preview, Part II” covers the sequels of May 2011, including: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES, THE HANGOVER, PART II and KUNG FU PANDA 2.

THE MOVIE GUYS’ MAY MOVIE PREVIEW – “SAVE THE DATES”

Movie Guys Paul Preston and Karen Volpe give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in May. “Save the Date” covers the wedding movie releases of May 2011, including: JUMPING THE BROOM, BRIDESMAIDS and SOMETHING BORROWED.

THE BEAVER: A SPOILER-FREE PREVIEW

Movie Guy Steven Lewis previews the new Mel Gibson movie, “The Beaver”. He is enthusiastic…and slightly misinformed.

THE MOVIE GUYS’ MAY MOVIE PREVIEW – “HERO COMPLEX”

Movie Guys Paul Preston and Adam Witt give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in May. “Heroes” covers the superhero releases of May 2011, including: THOR and PRIEST.

THE MOVIE GUYS’ MAY MOVIE PREVIEW – “INDIE JONES”

Movie Guys Paul Preston and Steven Lewis give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in May. “Indie Jones” covers the major independent releases of May 2011, including: THE BEAVER, EVERYTHING MUST GO, HESHER and MIDNIGHT IN PARIS.

DISNEY’S THE MOVIE GUYS’ APRIL MOVIE PREVIEW

Movie Guys Paul Preston and Justin Bowler give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in April. “Disney’s The Movie Guys’ April Movie Preview ” covers the major film releases of April 29, 2011: FAST FIVE, HOODWINKED TOO!: HOOD VS. EVIL and DISNEY’S PROM.

TYLER PERRY’S THE MOVIE GUYS’ APRIL MOVIE PREVIEW

Movie Guys Paul Preston and Justin Bowler give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in April. “Tyler Perry’s The Movie Guys’ April Movie Preview” covers the major film releases of April 22, 2011: TYLER PERRY’S MADEA’S BIG HAPPY FAMILY, WATER FOR ELEPHANTS and APOLLO 18 (sort of).

APRIL MOVIE PREVIEW – “NEVE CAMPBELL – STILL CUTE”

Movie Guys Paul Preston and Justin Bowler give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in April. “Neve Campbel – Still Cute” covers the major film releases of April 15, 2011: SCREAM 4, RIO and THE CONSPIRATOR.

APRIL MOVIE PREVIEW – “ANOTHER NATALIE PORTMAN MOVIE”

Movie Guys Paul Preston and Justin Bowler give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in April. “Another Natalie Portman Movie” covers the major film releases of April 8, 2011: ARTHUR, HANNA, YOUR HIGHNESS and SOUL SURFER.

APRIL MOVIE PREVIEW – “THEY’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING”

Movie Guys Paul Preston and Justin Bowler give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in April. “They’ve Got to be Kidding” covers the major film releases of April 1, 2011: HOP, SOURCE CODE and TRUST.

NICOLAS CAGE: WTF?

Movie Guys Paul Preston and Justin Bowler give the “Career in Review” treatment to Nicolas Cage and wonder when things got weird.

MARCH MOVIE PREVIEW – “NOT SCREENED FOR CRITICS”

Movie Guys Paul Preston and Lee Kias give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in March. “Not Screened for Critics” covers the major film releases of March 25, 2011, which had no press screenings: SUCKERPUNCH and DIARY OF A WIMPY KID: RODRICK RULES.

MARCH MOVIE PREVIEW – “EPONYMOUS”

Movie Guys Paul Preston and Steven Lewis give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in March. “Eponymous” covers the major film releases of March 18, 2011: PAUL, LIMITLESS and THE LINCOLN LAWYER.

MARCH MOVIE PREVIEW – “ALIENZ N THE HOOD”

Movie Guys Paul Preston and Adam Witt give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in March. “Alienz N The Hood” covers the major film releases of March 11, 2011: BATTLE: LOS ANGELES, MARS NEEDS MOMS and RED RIDING HOOD.

MARCH MOVIE PREVIEW – “MARCH MADNESS”

Movie Guys Paul Preston and Karen Volpe give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in March. “March Madness” covers the major film releases of March 4, 2011: RANGO, BEASTLY, TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT and THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU.

TO & FROM: “THE KING’S SPEECH”

Join Karen Volpe and Vanessa Whitney as they share their feelings on “The King’s Speech” in this thinly-veiled love letter to Colin Firth, while traveling to and coming from a screening of the movie. Will the movie be worth its Best Picture cred? Will it be historically accurate? Those questions may not be answered, but Colin Firth will look good.

FEB. MOVIE PREVIEW – “3D OR NOT 3D”

Movie Guys Paul Preston and Steven Lewis give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in February. “3D or Not 3D” covers the major film releases of February 25, 2011: THE LION OF JUDAH, HALL PASS & DRIVE ANGRY 3D.

FEB. MOVIE PREVIEW – “FUCK THESE MOVIES, PART II”

Movie Guys Paul Preston and Karen Volpe give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in February. “Fuck These Movies, Part II” covers the major film releases of February 18, 2011: UNKNOWN, I AM NUMBER FOUR, VANISHING ON 7TH STREET and BIG MOMMAS: LIKE FATHER LIKE SON.

BIG MOMMAS: LIKE FATHER LIKE SON: A SPOILER-FREE PREVIEW

Movie Guy Steven Lewis previews the new Martin Lawrence movie, “Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son”. He is enthusiastic…and slightly misinformed.

FEB. MOVIE PREVIEW – “FUCK THESE MOVIES”

Movie Guys Paul Preston and Lee Kias give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in December. “Fuck These Movies” covers the major film releases of February 11, 2010, GNOMEO & JULIET, JUST GO WITH IT, THE EAGLE and JUSTIN BIEBER: NEVER SAY NEVER.

FEB. MOVIE PREVIEW – “HERE ARE THE MOVIES YOU DIDN’T SEE LAST WEEK”

Movie Guys Paul Preston and Adam Witt give you the lowdown and their thoughts on what’s happening movie-wise in December. “Here are the Movies You Didn’t See Last Week” covers the major film releases of February 4, 2010, SANCTUM, THE ROOMMATE and the wide release of FRANKIE & ALICE.

BORED TO DEATH

Somewhere

*1/2

Review by Joel Frost

Sofia Coppola has, thus far in her young career as a film-maker, mostly avoided the pitfalls of being a descendent of Hollywood royalty. Francis Ford Coppola’s daughter has largely seemed unencumbered by the expectations that her name carries with it. Such expectations (which clearly do inform her thematic inclinations) are the proverbial double-edged sword: At her best, when creating a masterpiece like “Lost In Translation”, she’s imagined and anointed as a rightful heir. At her worst, she runs the risk of being called a precocious talent who rests on the laurels of what comes easy to her, the thing which hundreds if not thousands of film-makers would kill for; a built-in audience. A director in Sofia Coppola’s position has the luxury of curiosity. Her name alone puts butts in the seats. Add to that cache that she’s shown the ability to make at least one great film, and she seems to have it as easy as any young, hot star in Hollywood.

It’s the life of one such type of star, the breezy and lusted-after Johnny Marco, that Ms. Coppola examines in her new film, “Somewhere”. Marco is, as the opening shot clumsily offers, spinning around in expensive circles. What looks like it could be fun to most people is, it seems, largely boring to this movie star. The constantly available women, the cars and money; none of these perks of stardom seem to truly fulfill the seemingly vapid Johnny Marco (Stephen Dorff, who adds true authenticity to the vapidity). He’s clearly lonely and bored. Frankly, that’s clear after about five minutes of the film, yet “Somewhere” adds at least another ten minutes of not particularly interesting reiteration to this obvious situation. It’s a trick to visually explain mundanity without actually creating that feeling in an audience, and Ms. Coppola has performed that trick before effectively. “Lost In Translation” presented a similar set-up, with a bored actor looking for some unique distraction. In fact, “Lost In Translation” provides so many parallels and touchstones for comparison to “Somewhere” that it’s hard to imagine discussing this new film without comparing it to the former. The central reason, unfortunately, is that “Somewhere” is so shockingly inferior while being practically the same movie. It’s as if Sofia Coppola dug up an early draft of “Lost In Translation”, tweaked a couple of things (younger lead character, different setting, daughter instead of love interest), and tried to dress it up as a new study of the same themes. While it is that in some ways, it’s a dull, shallow and ineffectual exercise. Since “Somewhere” comes from the same film-maker that gave us a much more deftly crafted film about the same stuff, it’s quite clear that what “Somewhere” represents is not only a dull movie, but in fact a true disappointment.

The greatest constructed divide between the two films is the substitution of a daughter for the main character to deal with. At face value, that’s an interesting choice. In “Lost In Translation”, Scarlett Johansson’s unavoidable sexuality was (while downplayed), of course, an important element of the dynamic between her character and Bill Murray’s character. She disarmed the older man and while their relationship was chaste, it could not have been as interesting without the burbling undercurrent of sexual tension. Removing that tension and supplanting it with the kind of disarming possibilities that come with facing one’s tween-to-adolescent daughter while dealing with a similar crisis of boredom doesn’t necessarily seem like a terrible idea. The right actors, the right director, and the right script can all conspire to make a dynamic like that rather interesting, one would suspect. Well, these are not particularly good actors and this is not a particularly good script. Sofia Coppola, also, just isn’t herself.

Elle Fanning as Cleo, the daughter in question, offers no relief from the drudgery of life in “Somewhere”. It seems almost unfair to fault the poor girl, though; she does her level best. There are hints at measurable talent in her performance but if we’re betting on Fannings, I’m letting it ride on Dakota for the time being.

Stephen Dorff is actually well cast as Johnny Marco. He manages to come off as fairly helpless in an absurd world that he has very little control over. One gets the sense, though, that this has as much to do with the actor’s blandness as it does the relative blandness of the predicament this character is in during the film. Dorff has been lingering around Hollywood for some time, and by now it would seem he’d have been able to find the right film to exhibit and celebrate the depth of his talent. Perhaps he has here; if so, it’s a drab exhibition. Again, the script offers him little support, but let’s just say he’s no Bill Murray.

Sofia Coppola is clearly interested in examining purgatorial pauses. So much so that she saw no potential ultimate issue with covering very similar ground to her best film to date. She’s shown ability and had some success competing with and performing for (as many of her female characters tend to do) the father-figure in her life. At her best, she’s much more than just Francis Ford Coppola’s daughter. At her worst, she can’t even compete with herself. It seemed in the past that she had earned the respect of being judged purely as a unique artist, but “Somewhere” puts her, the film’s characters, and audiences back in an uncertain place. As her lead in “Somewhere” does, the eventual inclination is to run away from that place. Let’s hope, down the road, she follows her own example.

Directed by: Sofia Coppola
Release Date: December 22, 2010
Run Time: 97 Minutes
Country: USA
Rated: R
Distributor: American Zoetrope

OFFICIAL TRAILER

Reviews by Steven Lewis

There are some movies that are not merely “overlooked” but have actually been BRANDED: popular and/or critical opinion has placed a scarlet “B” over their video box, and viewers are appropriately wary of even giving them a try. Below are three movies that, in my estimation, deserve rescue from the cinematic scrap heap that they’ve been consigned to. Classics? Perhaps not. But considerably better than their rep, and worth at least a look-see by the discriminating cinephile.

THE GODFATHER: PART III

This thing has become something of a whipping boy for sequels (particularly threequels) over the years, and I just don’t feel it’s warranted. OK, biases right up front: the first Godfather is my favorite film of all time, while the second one I find generally opaque, hard to follow, and largely unnecessary. Within that context, Part III is not any more “necessary” (“The Godfather” being a film of such stand-alone power that it requires no sequel), but if it was a saga the studio was determined to make, then I find this film a much more worthy wrap-up to the series than the second one ever was. It teems with all the elements that make the Godfather saga so engrossing: strong characters, shadowy back-room negotiations, elaborate plotting and double-crossing, shocking yet fantastically orchestrated violence and, finally and most memorably, an operatic finale which is a masterpiece of cross-cutting between organized ritual (in this case, an opera) and acts of murder. If the film sags around the edges, well – that’s entirely appropriate too, since Michael Corleone, its lead character, is himself now aging and frail. It is as if each of the Godfather films takes its cue from Michael’s metabolism: the first is full of zest and youthful exuberance, the second is cold, hard and steely, and the third is creaky and totters on the brink of collapse. Many take this as a fault of the film, when really it is the perfect mirror of the soul of Michael himself. As such, the weariness which pervades the entire story is poignant and heartbreaking, not the result of bad filmmaking.

The acting is all first rate, as is expected by now in a Godfather film. As Sonny Corleone’s bastard son Vincent Mancini, Andy Garcia makes a strong impression and the push-pull between he and Pacino – the young hothead vs. the wisened and calculating veteran – gives the film its edge, and its unique place in the Godfather canon. It is slightly unbelievable that Michael would have no one else to turn over the running of the family to besides Vincent, a tangential relation at best, but since it works dramatically you tend to overlook the flaw in logic. Likewise, the scenes between Michael and Kay carry a special charge; though written near the level of soap opera, the fact that it is actually Pacino and Diane Keaton sitting across from each other, and that we have shared so deeply in their history together, breathes a curious kind of nobility and sadness into them. Like everyone else, I missed Robert Duvall as Tom Hagen, but even his absence serves, in an ironic way, to underline the theme of Michael drifting toward the end of his life, losing all his associations along the way; the loneliness and solitariness which enveloped him by the end of the second movie have not gone away, and his attempts to fight against and deny this fact is what gives his character real tragic dimension here.

OK, just a word on Sofia Coppola as Michael’s daughter Mary. No, she’s obviously not a trained actress and her readings are a little flat, but you know what? It doesn’t make that much difference. Her character exists more as a symbol to Michael of innocence and incorruptibility than as a true three-dimensional personage. As such, she at least has the right look and feel – I can imagine her as Pacino’s daughter in a way I don’t think I ever could have bought Winona Ryder (who was originally to play this role). What I’m saying here is that, while she’s not great, she does what she needs to do and she in no way sinks the film – if for no other reason than that her screen time isn’t large enough to do so.

All in all, this is a first-rate film, with a plot line that is at times admittedly hard to follow, but not nearly as much as the one in Part II. And this one has a better cast of characters: just think of it, the Corleones getting into business dealings with the Vatican! The audacity of this storyline alone should make it beloved to all true Godfather fans. And some of the violence here – including the helicopter assault in Atlantic City, the murder of Joey Zasa on the streets of Little Italy, and, most notably, the new and wildly unexpected use found for a pair of reading glasses – is as brilliant and memorable as anything in the first film, and supersede the second one entirely. In short, “The Godfather, Part III” makes a great wrap up to the entire saga, and earns its full place in the family history; it’s no mere footnote, but a great and satisfying film all its own.

REALITY BITES

When I first saw this movie, at the time of its initial release, I really liked it a lot. I didn’t necessarily buy it as the “definitive Gen-X movie” or anything, but it still offered up a feast of pleasures: Wynona Ryder (who I don’t normally like) at her sexiest and most appealing, a quirky and irreverent script, a GREAT soundtrack, and the projection of a real “lived-in” feel amongst the main group of friends. Their hanging-out and their conversations with each other felt very genuine and unforced, and reminded me of times I’d spent with my own friends. People who criticized the film – and there were many – for “just showing young people sitting around” forget not only how much of life (even the enjoyable parts) is spent doing nothing particularly momentous, but equally how difficult it is to capture that elusive, just-sitting-around quality on film. Heck, I even thought Ethan Hawke was terrific (although this was due more to my inability to get over the fact that it was the same actor who played the nervous, uptight kid in “Dead Poet’s Society”).

Looking at it today, though. . . . well, I still like it, but I can see more clearly a lot of its flaws and why many people (particularly those of my age group, i.e. the Gen-Xers) didn’t like it. It is a bit too self-important, and many of its moments feel forced. The romantic triangle aspect of the movie seems more like a gimmick to propel the action than as an idea anyone could seriously get behind. I’m still totally captivated by Ryder in this movie (weird, because I almost never care for her otherwise), but it feels wrong that she should end up with EITHER of these two guys. Hawke and she have a believable and appealing chemistry, but he’s really too much of a poster boy for Slacker-hood to be taken seriously as a romantic prospect. And Ben Stiller as the corporate yuppie is just too dweeby and annoying. His performance is the big weak link in the movie; he takes what could have been (and seems written as) an interesting, double-edged character of personal charm but deep insecurity, and turns him into a one-dimensional nerd whose tics and mannerisms grow increasingly more grating.

And yet, there’s just too many good things in this movie to write it off. The scenes with John Mahoney as the daytime talk show host – hilarious! Ryder’s conferences with her clueless parents (I love when her mother, played as a perfect ditz by Swoosie Kurtz, lovingly calls her daughter “sugar booger”); any scene with Janeane Garofalo or Steve Zahn in it (this movie introduced me to both these actors, and I’ve enjoyed them more and more ever since); and, most memorably, the hilarious butchering that Ryder’s student film receives at the hands of the MTV-like cable channel that Stiller works for. That scene makes me laugh uncontrollably every time I see it. It demonstrates Ben Stiller’s greatest ability as a director: a profound media savvy and an ability to satirize not only television, but any form of pre-fabricated culture. His jaundiced yet playful eye takes in everything from “Melrose Place” to psychic hot-lines, Gap outlet stores and 7-11 Big Gulps and posits them as the type of cultural detritus that, for good or bad, a generation has come to view the world through. Nothing as coherent as a “statement” comes out of all this, but the film does provide an enjoyable fun-house mirror through which a certain segment of the population can find itself reflected, if perhaps imperfectly.

So, yeah, not the film to end all films (and the worse for sometimes looking like that’s what it’s trying for), but certainly good for a few self-referential chuckles, and an appealing (if a bit slovenly) cast of characters to spend the evening with.

NEIGHBORS

Ok, here’s one movie whose “Bad” status is undoubtedly warranted. “Neighbors” is, without a doubt, the worst film I have ever seen in my entire life – and yet, it’s awful in such a particular, peculiar way that it’s almost worth seeing anyhow. This film is terrible, but unlike your average, run-of-the-mill bad film, this one is actually fascinating. I saw it on TV late one night and I was absolutely mesmerized. Usually, when a movie doesn’t work, you can at least see what the filmmakers had in mind, and then can assess where it went wrong (weak concept, poor script, actors weren’t the right ones for the roles, etc.). But here, I have no idea – I mean absolutely NO IDEA – what the makers of the film were going for in the first place.

I mean, OK, John Belushi is this very repressed and conservative guy and these “wacky” neighbors move in next door and shake his life up. So you assume the film is after some sort of satirical vision – maybe even some dark exploration of the underside of suburbia (which the odd camera angles, creepy music, and general “Twilight Zone” photography seem to accentuate). But the neighbors’ “wackiness” is utterly without context – they just perpetrate one unlikely act after another (usually some kind of sadistic prank on Belushi) for no real reason and to no ultimate goal. There’s no internal consistency to the way any of the characters behave, so that you’re never on any firm ground in knowing either what’s going to happen next – or in caring about it anyway. Watching this movie is like watching a car wreck – and then seeing the people involved get back into their vehicles, start them up, and proceed to wreck into each other again and again, for ninety minutes. It’s so absurd. Just when you think the film can’t get any worse – more cruel or pointless – it does. Again and again, for ninety minutes, it keeps one-upping itself in dreadfulness.

I have my own special theory about this film. I maintain that it wasn’t made to entertain at all. It was made with the specific intent of having its financial backers shit bricks and squirm in their seats. I can just see Belushi and Aykroyd as they watched the suits at the studio viewing the final cut of this movie for the first time, giggling proudly to themselves and saying “Ha! I dare you guys to actually try and MARKET this turd!” And, I have to say, when I imagine the movie in that context, it does make me laugh – because it has been so thoroughly devised as to appeal to absolutely nobody! It is purely bad through and through, and whenever something even threatens to get interesting or to make sense, the film zigs off in yet another pointless, non-sequitur direction. As such, it achieves a purity of badness which is totally unique: every single moment – not just the film when taken as a whole, but every SINGLE FUCKING FRAME of this turkey – is bathed in the putrid stench of awfulness.

Since first seeing it, I have turned some of my friends on to this movie, and amongst ourselves we have devised a new film rating. If a movie is just bad, that’s one thing – but if it’s ‘Neighbors’ Bad, then it’s something entirely different. A movie that’s ‘Neighbors’ Bad is one which looks like it’s actually working harder to be awful than it is to be good (and I’m excluding purposefully “camp” films here) – one whose plot is almost indecipherable, whose events and characterizations are completely random, and again and again frustrates any expectation at arriving at any sort of meaningful conclusion, even a silly one. Not many films like this exist (thankfully), making “Neighbors”, at least for me, a bizarre and perverse sort of pleasure.

If any of the foregoing analysis makes sense to you or strikes any kind of chord, you may want to check “Neighbors” out just for the novelty of it; for certain, it will be one of the most singular movie experiences you’ll ever have. But if you do so, for God’s sake make sure you have a legitimately good movie ready to put in right afterward – believe me, after seeing “Neighbors”, you’ll need it!

“Reality Bites” is available on DVD, “The Godfather, Part III” is available on DVD & Blu-Ray. Good luck finding “Neighbors”.