Today I Watched…The Maiden Heist

The Maiden Heist

The Maiden Heist

Review by Paul Preston

Welcome to Today I Watched…, a series of posts documenting my new challenge – watch a movie a day for the rest of my life. Keep coming back to to find out what I watch each day…and get my take on it.

When I see a movie that’s a new release in theaters or for home viewing, I’ll give it a proper review in the “Reviews”, otherwise, I’ll write about it here.

April 5, 2017 – The Maiden Heist

This film was given to me as a gift on DVD many years ago and with my new movie-a-day regimen, I figured now was the time to finally check it out. The Maiden Heist is about an aging security guard at an art gallery, Roger, played by Christopher Walken, who is unbearably sad that they’re transferring his favorite piece of art to Europe, a painting called “The Lonely Maiden”. Roger enlists two more gallery guards (played by Morgan Freeman and William H. Macy) to help him steal it, and their favorite painting and sculpture as well.

The Maiden Heist

The Maiden Heist is short on big laughs. This “Ocean’s Three” gang has banter, but none of it particularly memorable (but Macy’s naked ass comes into play for a visual gag a number of times, so get used to it). Because they’re the three lead actors that they are, they have enough charm to make the film passable, but many of the scenes seem padded to ensure the movie got feature length status.

Academy Award winner Marcia Gay Harden saw what Freeman and Walken were doing with their Oscars, so she got involved as well, and plays Walken’s wife. There’s a scene where she’s insistent on getting to the airport, but Walken has to continue to strategize a way to complete the heist. They back and forth with each other, her nagging him (unaware he’s in the middle of a theft) and him telling her to go away – this goes on forever. The scene isn’t laced with any humor, it’s just…long. Many scenes are like this. Shorter, sharper and funnier would’ve made The Maiden Heist a recommendable journey, but for now, if you want to see these guys in a caper film, check out Walken in Stand Up Guys, Macy in The Cooler and Freeman in the upcoming remake of Going in Style.

The Maiden Heist

What might be most interesting is why you’ve never heard of this movie. It’s from Bob Yari, the producer of the Oscar-winning Crash. It was set for release in 2009 and Yari’s company went bankrupt. So despite four big, respected names, the film languished. I almost feel lucky to have it on DVD, which, according to THIS ARTICLE, is a feat unto itself.
Directed by: Peter Hewitt
Release Date: July 8, 2010
Run Time: 90 Minutes
Country: USA
Rated: PG-13
Distributor: SONY Pictures Home Entertainment

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